I couldn’t concentrate further. I was curious to know about the personality who had bought such a broader smile on his face, which I failed miserably. Guess, someone was competing with me? Was he actually in love with someone else or was he just trying to make me feel jealous? Various thoughts occupied my neurons demanding the answers. I was too restless to study.
The following day, we both were quiet, trying to behave normally. I wasn’t comfortable sharing him with anyone which he failed to understand. I didn’t involve myself in any conversation. I was angry at him, but he mistook my anger as my sincerity towards my studies. How dumb can a guy be not to understand a gals’ feelings, the feeling to be owned, loved & cared, the craving to be with him and the urge to own him. It is truly said Men are from Mars and Women are from venus.
I started throwing my tantrums to grab his attention indicating him my disinterest towards the given task. He got the hint and gently handed over a toffee to lure me and said, “Cheer up my baby doll”. The toffee didn’t lower my anger but the words did. Girls aren’t suppose to show their excitement when they are angry, else it will ruin the chances of being pampered. I wanted him to read my eyes and understand those beautiful feelings that floated for him. I wanted him to hold my hands and feel the warmth of it.
Suddenly he was nearing towards me. I was nervous, a little more closer, and more closer leaving me in a State of confusion. I was scared. He halted.. He sat on his knees, looked at me. I started breathing heavily, hands trembling, goose bumps all over my body, leaving me with wild thoughts. He raised my chin slowly and uttered “Aren’t you well?” Ah! These weren’t the words that I wanted to hear. I nodded. He immediately ordered me to take rest, helping me to pack my bags, burdening me with his favor which I neglected.
I thought I was being possessive about him. The brain says to be rational and the Heart says to be emotional, the brain says to be aggressive and the Heart says to be Possessive. I was sandwiched between the arguments of my brain and heart, completing messing up with the situatio. I could not tolerate these thoughts and emotions that were running through my neurons. I started missing my ex-tutor whose thoughts still flashed a smile on my face, the pleasant attitude and the warmth in his eyes made me long for him.
Deep in my Heart, he was still my hero, my Raj….
To be continued…